


& someday we'll grow ordinary together

by astralelegies



Category: Free!
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Growing Up, I Don't Even Know, Implied Relationships, M/M, Teen Angst, Thinking About the Future, honestly a lot of the romance is implied so, i don't even know what this is, love is confusing, makoharu slightly less squinty, more internal monologue than plot tbh, my apologies, rinharu if you squint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 20:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5511581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralelegies/pseuds/astralelegies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brief snapshots into the lives of Nanase Haruka and Tachibana Makoto as they grow up and grow uncertain together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	& someday we'll grow ordinary together

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is. The idea was niggling around at the back of my brain a few nights and so I wrote it, such as it is. This is my first foray into the writing of Free! and, with luck, not my last. I'm not quite sure what I think about it, but I hope you enjoy, and I apologize for any inaccuracies there might be.

The night Matsuoka Rin moves away, Makoto drops by Haruka’s house to find him lying in the bathtub, swimsuit and all, staring up at the ceiling. 

“I knew you’d be here.”

Haruka doesn’t say anything. He is busy studiously avoiding thinking about the future. 

“You were amazing in the relay today. We couldn’t have won without you.”

“We couldn’t have won without any of us,” Haruka says, voice as distant as his thoughts, “We did it because we’re a team.”

_Just like Rin wrote on the wall of the garden._

Makoto seems to know, as always, what Haru is thinking. His face softens. “You miss him.”

“He isn’t even gone yet.”

“It’s okay. I miss him too.”

Haruka turns his head to face the wall. “It won’t be the same.”

There is a pause. Behind him Makoto moves, probably to crouch down by the side of the bath. “That’s true. But that just means we have even more new opportunities ahead of us.”

Haruka has never known where Makoto’s steadfast optimism comes from, has even, on occasion, been mildly irritated by it, but now he is grateful, even if he won’t admit it. He doesn’t need to. Makoto already knows. He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to find the other boy sticking out a hand, smiling slightly. Haruka closes his eyes for a brief moment, contemplates letting out a sigh or an admonition, and accepts it. 

~

Makoto knows that sneaking into an abandoned swimming pool, like all of Nagisa’s spur-of-the-moment convictions, is a decidedly bad idea. Even so, walking through the halls he frequented so long ago, he can’t help but feel a tiny spark of something that is almost excitement. Or perhaps that’s just the terror settling in. Something about the whole endeavor is disconcertingly familiar; it reminds him of their past escapades with Rin. They did their fair share of sneaking around where they shouldn’t have, the old relay team, and that was excluding the unmentionable ostrich incident. Makoto cringes at the memory. Rin’s always had a knack for getting them into trouble.

And then, as if those idle musings conjured him, for reasons Makoto cannot begin to fathom, he’s here. Rin is here, and not in Australia, and he is leaving with Haru to go swim an ill-advised race in a dubious pool in the middle of the night and Makoto can’t help but be the tiniest bit amused by fictitious absurdity of the situation.

Amused, and alarmed. _The pool probably isn’t even filled anymore. They could get themselves killed._ And this, Makoto knows, is the role he will always play: the worrier, the unofficial caretaker, the team mother. He’s been looking out for Haru too long to regard situations like these as anything close to noteworthy. Haruka isn’t socializing, Haruka doesn’t want to go to school, Haruka is taking off his clothes at the aquarium again. It doesn’t matter what kind of hot water Haru’s gotten himself into, literal or otherwise, because Makoto will be there to get him out of it. And it isn’t always simple, and it isn’t always easy, and sometimes it hurts to see his best friend desert him in a dark foreclosed building to run off with an old rival who came back from overseas several shades less pleasant. But Makoto is, after all, his friend. 

So he does what he always does and chases after them. 

~

For the first time in a very long while, Haruka loses. The feeling is so shocking that he lies in the bath a whole half hour longer than usual, eyes closed in careful contemplation. 

In the blackness of his vision dances an afterimage of long red hair, a mouth of pointed teeth. He thinks he hears the sharp snap of goggle strap against swim cap, a sound long buried in the corner of his brain he has tried to shove aside. Something stirs inside him. A spark is beginning to reawake. 

~

It’s the regional championships and Makoto is watching Haruka swim in a way he hasn’t seen him manage in years. There is an intense passion behind it, to be sure, but beyond that there is _joy_ , of a sort both of the boys were missing. As Haru hits the wall first, the audience erupting into cheers, and Makoto extends a hand to help him up, he is overcome in a wash of euphoria rivaled only by the kind he felt the last time he swum a relay with these particular teammates, all those years ago. 

There is hugging and laughing all around, and Makoto knows their breach of conduct means they will be disqualified, he knows and does not care, because Rin is back, and Haru is back, both of them because they found each other, and that means that good is back again as well. 

He beams at his friends the way he always does and wishes, for a moment, that things could stay this way forever.

~

Things cannot stay the same way forever. The new school year starts back up again and soon all manner of teachers and classmates are asking Haruka about his plans for the future. Nagisa suggests he become a chef and serve free food to all members of the Iwatobi swim club. They train hard, Haruka and Makoto and Nagisa and Rin, with a renewed fervor of determination. And then Yamazaki Sousuke moves to Samezuka Academy. 

In truth, Haru forgot about Sousuke. It wasn’t until the Splash Fest, when Sousuke pulled him aside for an intimidation routine, that he was fully reminded of Rin’s childhood best friend. Standing just inside the entryway to his house with the swimmer’s words of warning still echoing in his head, all Haruka can think about is the thrill down his spine from doing the relay with Rin. Working hard with his friends, hearing them express their concern for him, it made him realize the true reason for his swimming. Only recently he’s been left wondering if that reason is even enough.

His phone rings. 

“Haru? Are you alright?”

_Makoto._

“I’m fine,” Haruka says flatly.

There is a hesitation on the other end of the line. “Are you sure? You seemed off towards the end of the Splash Fest today.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“I noticed you having words with Yamazaki- _san_ earlier. Did he say something to upset you?”

Haruka knows when he’s beaten and doesn’t speak. There’s a pause. 

“What was it?” Makoto asks.

“Nothing important.” Haruka’s tone warns his friend away from continuing to pursue the subject. 

“Well…if you need anything, let me know.”

He nods, then remembers Makoto can’t see him and makes a noncommittal sound of vague agreement before hanging up. His brain feels as though a thousand armies are pounding around inside it, so he does what he always does when he has too much to think about and takes a bath.

The water is lukewarm when he steps into it; a bit colder than he would have liked, but at least it isn’t too hot. He sinks into it up to his chin and stares absently at the ceiling.

_Don’t ever get in Rin’s way again._

He thinks about seeing Sousuke and Rin together at the Splash Fest and nearly gasps at the sudden wave of emotion it brings. It’s silly, that he’s feeling so helplessly envious right now. It’s perfectly natural that Rin should have other friends, have had them even before he left for Australia, to know what it is to be in the company of someone who understands him more deeply than anyone else can. _Like Makoto and I._ And it isn’t as though Haru is the biggest part of his life. He’s just a boy Rin was in a swim club with, a long time ago, and now after a period of rocky uncertainty retains a friendly but heated rivalry with. Sousuke is more than all of these things. A best friend, even after so many years. Maybe more than that now. How can Haruka begin to compete with that?

And somehow his deliberations on lifelong companionship lead his thoughts to Makoto, which doesn’t make sense, because he was thinking about Rin before and Rin and Makoto, for reasons he cannot quite comprehend, have entirely separate energies in his senses. Rin, who does nothing but shake things up, and Makoto, who remains resolute in spite of all changes. There is a kind of fierceness in the way Haruka feels about both of them, something no words he knows are capable of describing. 

Thinking about it all makes his chest hurt in a way he doesn’t really want to contemplate, so he lets the bath water rise over his head and tries to will his mind to emptiness. 

~

“You wanted to speak with me.”

The voice is direct yet dismissive, and carries in it an air of studied casualness. 

“Yes,” Makoto says simply. 

Yamazaki Sousuke folds his arms. “Well?”

“Rin and Haru- _chan_. They’re back to being friends again.”

“I don’t see how this concerns me,” Sousuke says after a moment’s hesitation. 

“I think it does.” Makoto folds his arms in a mirror of the boy across from him. “I think you said something to Haru about it.” 

Sousuke sighs. “I told him not to jeopardize Rin’s chances of getting scouted and achieving his dreams. That’s all.” 

“You care about Rin so deeply?”

“Isn’t that what best friends are for?”

Makoto thinks of Haru and knows this to be true. He nods. “I would protect my own to the end of the Earth.”

“I feel the same.”

There is a momentary lull, and then Makoto sighs. “Rin was a great friend to me when we were kids. I missed him when he went to Australia and I missed him last year, when he lost himself for a while. And now he’s back and things are good again, but I can’t help feeling jealous of what he and Haru have.”

“They’re enamored with each other,” Sousuke contests. 

“To put it bluntly.” Makoto pauses. “It would seem we’re in the same boat, you and me.”

Sousuke almost smiles. “I believe we might just be.”

~

Haruka wakes up too early to a text from Makoto that simply reads _Meet me on the beach when you get this, we’re going running._ Without a single consideration he’s throwing a pair of sweatpants and hooded jacket on over his swimsuit and heading out into the quiet darkness of the morning. It’s less than five minutes before he spots Makoto waiting and jogs over to him, giving him a look of subtle concern. “What is it.”

But Makoto seems as relaxed as ever. “Nothing’s wrong, Haru. I promise. I just needed some fresh air and thought you might want to join me.”

There’s more to it than that, there always is, but Haruka doesn’t force the matter. They jog along the water front, keeping an even pace with one another, allowing a comfortable silence to descend. After half a kilometer Haruka ventures a question. 

“Have you ever thought about our future?” he asks quietly. “Not _the_ future, I mean, but ours. The two of us, together.”

He hears Makoto’s breath hitch in his throat and presses on. “What do you think? We could rent an apartment, and you could pry me out of the bath in the morning and get mad at me for making mackerel for breakfast. You’d study at university and I would…something, anyway. Become a chef, like Nagisa suggested, or go into swimming like Rin.”

The short speech is downright chatty in comparison to Haruka’s usual communications, and he can tell Makoto is taken aback by it. His friend is silent a moment, and then breaks into a soft grin.

“Is that a proposal, Haru- _chan_?”

“Drop the - _chan_ ,” Haruka says, but he finds he’s smiling too. 

He feels selfish. He shouldn’t be here, enjoying himself while discussing the days to come with his best friend, when part of him is still lost in nebulous reminiscences of bygone days with bygone feelings he’s still grasping at. He shouldn’t be planning a future he knows he’ll never have when in reality all he’s doing is running away from it. This whole time it’s been what he’s trying to escape, whether through the exhilaration of racing with Rin or the small, serene moments he spends just _being_ with Makoto. He doesn’t want to lose what he has right know. He doesn’t want to lose _them_. Either of them. 

“Haru.” Makoto stops suddenly and turns around to face him. “I would do it, you know. Live with you, and wake up to you every day and complain about your mackerel. All of it. If you wanted. I…I would be more than happy.”

Something like guilt settles itself in the pit of Haruka’s stomach, but he nods anyway, forcing it down, and continues running. 

~

Months later, after Haru comes back from Australia, after he and Makoto have made their apologies and confessed their dreams, they stand on the balcony of their hotel room, shoulders touching, and Makoto can tell there’s something still bothering his friend. 

“What is it?” he asks, and for once Haru doesn’t even pretend to not know what he’s talking about.

“Rin told me it was your idea for him to take me to Australia.” 

Makoto shrugs. “Only partially. After we fought I thought maybe he would do a better job of calming you down.”

“And you were okay with him just whisking me away to another country?”

“Why shouldn’t I be?” Makoto demands, though he suspects he is beginning to see Haru’s point. 

The other boy sighs and looks away. “I can’t choose.”

Makoto blinks. “What?”

“I can’t choose,” Haru repeats, turning to face him, “I can’t choose which friendships to keep and which to throw away, because I don’t want to lose any of them when they are few enough in the first place and I am already losing so many things this year. My whole life is changing and I am _afraid_ , even if going to Australia helped. Everyone expects me to know what I’m going to do but I _don’t_ , not entirely, and if it took me so long just to find a dream how can I even begin to worry about bigger things, about other people? I’m supposed to be a prodigy. I’m supposed to be good at decisions. But lately…everything feels so uncertain.” 

There are a few moments of anticipatory silence, and then Makoto lifts a hand to gently brush Haru’s cheek. “It’s okay to be afraid, you know. And to be uncertain. The world is a big place, and it can get very intimidating. But I’ll be right here, by your side, when it does.”

Haru frowns. “How can you always be so understanding?”

“I can’t not,” Makoto tells him. 

“I never asked you to be.”

“You never needed to.”

Something about that sentence seems to cause a release inside Haruka and he starts, very softly, to cry, so Makoto opens his arms and holds him. They stay that way for an indeterminately long interval of time, Haru’s head buried in Makoto’s jacket, until Makoto finally speaks. 

“You know, if you start crying like that at dinner, Nagisa and Rei won’t be able to hold themselves together either, and then where will we be?”

Haru takes another shuddery breath, but steadies himself, and even smiles a little bit. 

“You’re right.” He steps away and wipes his eyes. “Should we go meet them?”

Makoto nods, then bites his lip and tentatively proffers and arm for his friend. Haru hesitates a moment, and Makoto wonders if he has done something wrong, but then he takes it, and the two companions walk inside together. 

~

Nanase Haruka and Tachibana Makoto are leaving for Tokyo. They will not be sharing an apartment, and Haruka will not be working as a chef, but he suspects the parts about preparing mackerel and Makoto dragging him out of the bath in the morning will prove as true as they always have. But before they can go, there is someone Haruka needs to say goodbye to.

“Tokyo’s a very big place,” says Matsuoka Rin, “are you sure you’ll be able to handle it?”

“Australia is a very big place also,” Haruka replies, “are you sure you can say the same?”

And there are so many more things he wants to say, like _you’re going so far away_ and _look after yourself_ and _promise you’ll come back and visit_. But none of those phrases seem quite adequate, so instead he looks Rin firmly in the eyes and says, “The next time we swim together, I expect it to be on the international stage.”

Rin shoots him his signature shark’s grin. “It will be. And when that happens, I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.”

Haruka does not doubt him. 

He is waiting to board his flight with Makoto in an overly crowded airport and wishing he could be swimming while his friend chatters on about small nothings that mean everything. He reaches a sudden hand up to rest on his shoulder and Makoto stops, looking down at him questioningly. 

“Thank you,” he says.

His friend stares at him a long moment, wearing a look so warm Haruka feels his cheeks start to burn. “Thank you, as well.”

The line moves on, until before long it is their turn for entry. They exchange another brief glance for reassurance, and Haruka thinks that here, in this moment, he doesn’t need to be afraid of futures or places or decisions. Not when he has the great fortune to be standing next to someone who knows him so well. He takes Makoto’s hand and they step, together, onto the plane.


End file.
